Monday, Jan. 18, 2010

Eventually I'll get over her, she's quite annoying, even when she doesn't show up in class. Other people have said the reason why I might care so much and get so angry could be because I care for her. I'm not sure, maybe that might be it. But there sure is a lot of anger towards her.

I'm still really behind in my readings... and tests and essay season is fastly approaching! I just bought one of the books for my english class and my friend and I spend an hour or so just reading and trying to catch up!

It felt a lot like highschool again because we were sitting against the lockers with all our stuff laid out everywhere. Reminds my of Campbellton more then anything else. How I wish I could forget about it all together. I'm sure those people who think I've changed a great deal if they ever met me again. Here's hoping I never do, at least a long list of certain people. But Sheep is another story. I always think she lies, and she's quite bad at it. There could be some truths to her explanations, but most of the time she likes to believe and make others treat her like she's very... essential and important to the "group" of friends we usually hang out with. She likes to act in ways that make people go after her and ask her what's the matter, and it's usually something trivial, like if she's invited to the movies as well. Even when she was there for the suggestions on what to do on Fridays (means everyone's invited... duh.). She likes to be personally asked and with the whole "we can't go if Sheep can't go!" I'm usually the one to say "oh well too bad, catch you next time.".

I know it sounds bad of me, as a friend, but everyone else seems to be too scared of her blowing up on them to do anything. So someone's gotta stand up and fight, I just happen to have the same, if not more, stubbornness to stand my ground. I have many issues with Sheep, mostly focusing on her spoiled behaviour and her lack of sincerity towards her friends (she says she wants to hang out but then gets angry and makes everyone leave, she asks you how your day is but really she wants to know what you've been doing while she wasn't there AND if you were having fun without her). Needless to say many people have chosen to forget about her since she disappeared after her birthday party (which she was quite disappointed about) and barely seen her in my class with her. In group conversations on msn, no one invites her back when she dramatically leaves a not-so nice comment and leaves.

Yet I hear she's supposedly oh so dperessed and is going through hardship or her own... having to live behind a coffee shop for most of her life, her parents working all the time not being there with her, her parents separating, parents remarrying, her parents being oh so overbearing and nosy about her life... Really, I had to fight my own demons, going through similar things, and survived fine. Her parents are overbearing because if they're not on her for not going to class and getting good grades, she would be on probation at school and ultimately get expelled. Yet somehow she doesn't see this. If you disagree with Sheep on anything they'd suddenly think you're not their friend anymore and stop talking to you, wiping out a DS or a book and start reading, so then everyone would have to talk around her (since she just HAS to sit in the middle).

I should get therapy for these escalating emotions towards Sheep. I'll tell her these things one day (coming up soon actually) and then she will cry, and blame it on me for misunderstanding and trying to change her. Because that's something I can see her doing. She's quite good at speaking, but she says nothing.

However, I know I scare her. And I know I'll get these things out and in her face so she can see (understanding is up to her) what everyone really sees (but doesn't have the guts to say). But she will cry, blame her actions on her depression and pretend it didn't happen, but hold it against me for the rest of my life. No worries though, I will hold it against her as well.

I'm heading off to school earlier tomorrow to get some more reading done and maybe start on an essay!